Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
