Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
