hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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