you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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