Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
