I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
