i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
