i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
