batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All I want is dick and wine.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
