four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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