If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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