then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
