Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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