Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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