so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
