I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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