i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
