..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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