Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
