We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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