i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
