well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
