if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
