So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
