His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
