the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
