he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
