A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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