Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
