i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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