he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Congratulations! We have a period
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
