now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
