If that was your dad, he is hot
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
