sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Sober January is a disaster.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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