You just made me feel so damn special
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
