Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
