return my video game
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
