did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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