I can't watch pbs sober anymore
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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