Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Couch. On fire.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
