I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
