I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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