so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
