I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
