I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sext me about skeletons
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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