He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can't turn off my feet"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
