I hate all girls vehemently.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
