i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
