I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
