so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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