I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
