Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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