isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
