why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
