What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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