there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
